Your own Joy: Kim on the Paradox of Female Happiness

I love that you are responding to that NYT piece. I’ve been thinking about it too, but a little differently. I’ve been wondering when pure happiness is our goal, and when doing something hard or making meaning is a better goal. I don’t really feel my children’s happiness as my own, at least not that often (I don’t think potty jokes are that funny, I don’t relish in being beaten at candy land, I don’t even glow at their accomplishments after the first time, even though they continue to be ecstatic about the monkey bars or paper dresses after the zillionth time). For me, the ambivilence comes from feeling slightly depressed while doing what seems to be incredibly humanizing and meaningful work (caregiving). I don’t want to give it up just because it doesn’t always make me happy, but I do want to keep looking for the things that might tip the balance beam to a healthy midpoint, because I ultimately want my girls to keep being happy in their own joys, not sublimating them for too long in deference to love.

Have you read the Geography of Bliss? I’d love your take! I’d also love to know if caregiving would feel like a happier pursuit if we lived in a culture that encouraged men to do it too, encouraged workplaces to be nurturing, etc. etc.

This piece originally appeared as a comment on The Meaning of Motherhood.