Jacqueline on Balance

I believe most parents would agree that the word “balance” swiftly vacated their vocabulary and their lives the moment their first child was born. (They don’t call them “dependents” for nothing!) And should one have been mad enough to procreate more than once, well…fool me twice–or three times or four times—shame on me!

What is it, exactly, that we seek to balance anyway? Can we actually believe that there is hope for more than a few moments of solitude beyond the mere seconds we have in the bathroom or for some quality time spent one-on-one with our partner? HA! It’s called hiring a nanny.

Didn’t all of us thoughtful wanna-be-parents contemplate the sacrifice that is innately a part of parenthood before we took the plunge? Did we not realize that parenthood is a lifetime of responsibility with no clocking in or out? I believe we did. But who could have realized just how continuously challenging, difficult, trying and, in some cases, depression-inducing this job could be? (”Continuously” being the operative word.)

I don’t have a particular place where this lack of balance hits me the hardest. It’s in my face in every moment of every day. It’s something I’ve almost come to count on…kind of like death and taxes. This is the reality of my world. And with no family close by, there is no reprieve.

Am I so weak to think this such a challenge? Many women who have come before me did all this and more. And yet, I sometimes find myself considering going back to work just for the break! But then, I would miss it. Masochists, we Moms must be.

It will all balance out in the long run. But it’s a hell of a LONG run, these early years. And although I’m well aware that nothing good comes easy, it’s still the toughest job I’ll ever have. And failure is not an option.

So, in an effort to achieve some balance–however fleeting it may be–I vow to do something for myself this weekend. I’ll endeavor to schedule a long overdue pedicure with a childless girlfriend to help remind me of those carefree days of pre-Mommy-dom. (I just hope I will have something to say that isn’t kid related!) But I know that afterwards, I’ll be so happy to come home to my two little beasts who have already managed to enrich my life so drastically in the very short time they’ve been around.

This piece first appeared as a comment on 14 Summers.