Birth Stories
March 11, 2005 – 1:17 pm
6 lbs 8 oz – 18.25 inches
February 3, 2008 – 1:59 am
7 lbs 8 oz – 20 inches
Rereading these stories, I am struck by how different they are. I saw Tessa’s birth as so much more about me. My writing is more formal, and I used words like “realized,” “amazed,” and “unbelievable,” as if I really couldn’t comprehend what was happening. I seemed so genuinely surprised to have a baby at the end of it! And of course, it really was my birth as much as Tessa’s – my birth as a mother.
At times during my pregnancy with Calder, I worried that I was less amazed by the process and I feared that it meant I was less in awe of my baby. But reading his birth story alongside his sister’s, I see that I was less in awe of me this time around. I knew I could do it, knew I could support and grow and birth him, and I continue to know I can mother him and raise him with a confidence I’m still seeking with Tessa.
It’s funny: when parents tell their kids that they love them each differently, no more, no less, the kids always think it’s a lie. How could it be true? But it is. And it takes having two children to appreciate it.
Thank you, Tessa and Calder. You are my equal, overwhelming, different loves.
