Ambivalence: Kim on the Push and Pull of Attachment

I think I’ve said this before, but I do think there is something in really letting ambivalence exist that is hard for us perfectionists. Now that my eldest is 9.5, and I’m 1/2 way through her childhood, I have this funny wish that I could get her babyhood back and be less restless in it. But when I truly remember those early days when she wanted me and only me 24-7, I know I can’t be sorry for needing to take some space from her. And now that I maybe want her a teensy bit more than she wants me (sometimes) I still see how important it is that I stake some ground that isn’t about her. She needs the space to grow, too. As a sociologist, I can’t help but wish for gigantic social change to just make this all feel easier. If we lived in a culture that valued caregiving and caregivers and held opportunities for paid work that is creative and meaningful I don’t think these micro decisions would feel quite so angst-ridden (although I could be wrong – some must just be the push-pull of attachment and human relationships). I wonder if a silver lining of the implosion of the economy could be the rebuilding of work in a saner and more human way and what we need to do to make that happen?

This piece originally appeared as a comment on Survival Mode: Portraits, Priorities.